Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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