Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
