Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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