you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
