If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
