I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
