ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sext me about skeletons
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
