Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
