Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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