well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
