I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
