I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
