I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
