Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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