It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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