I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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