This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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