I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
