I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
