I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
