I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
