if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
