how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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