Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
