FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
