I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ttyl tear gas
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
