i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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