The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
