There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His nipple licking is glorious
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