Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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