dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
