it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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