I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
