my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
