dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
