Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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