i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
