kristin has been a bad kristin
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
