he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
