My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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