Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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