I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
