I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
