She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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