you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
