I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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