you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize