WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
farters have to be the big spoon...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
