Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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