guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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