that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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