end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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