I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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