My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
