Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
