I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
