am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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