i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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