I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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