Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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