How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
