you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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