Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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