I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
