Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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