the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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