when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He passed out mid-signature
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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