I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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