Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
