Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
