Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
