I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
