I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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